Did anyone even know that international chess champ and rabid Jodie Foster fan Bobby Fischer was wanted by the U.S. State Department? Apparently he played a chess match in Yugoslavia once, which is apparently illegal. Who knew? Well, he's been picked up by Japanese officials for trying to travel to the Philippines on an expired passport. What a devious criminal. It's that calculating, chessy brain of his, always staying three steps ahead of the crack Japanese immigration team that has probably not been looking for him at all. But now... checkmate, mothafucka
In other dangerous criminal news, the queen of tasteful place settings herself, Martha Stewart, has been given an earth-shattering 5 months in a white-collar country club (plus 5 months house arrest and 2 years probation) for violation of various SEC regulations. Now if she had been, oh I don't know... let's say "poor and black" for instance? And let's say her crime involved $4,000 instead of a few million. How much time would she serve then? I'm guessing the easy answer would be "a lot more than she is now." I can at least understand why poor people commit crime. Stuff like hunger, lack of education, you know... all those "liberal excuses." What the fuck is Martha's excuse? How about those poor, uneducated Enron executives? Grandmaster Flash was right. It's all The Man's fault.
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